Things I've Learned, Week One

a) Taxidermied polar bears are considered great decorations. When you fly into Ted Stevens International Airport, the first thing you see is a glass box with a giant, taxidermied polar bear inside. The bear is on its hind legs, frozen in the middle of a killing frenzy, beneath its feet is a small, furry creature (a mink?) that it has caught and is slaughtering. And that's how they say "welcome to alaska!"

b) The first time you see a moose, your brain doesn't get it. When we turned the corner one night coming home from dinner and the moose was standing less than 4 feet from the car, I knew it was a Big Animal, but it took a long time to get to the name as my brain first had to go through all of the animals i did know before it got to the new one. "Honey! Look! It's a DeerCowHorseDog...MOOSE!"

c) Five dollar footlongs at Subway cost $6. The ads all still run about $5 footlongs. There are posters about $5 footlongs. But everyone just accepts they cost $6.

d) "Do you have protection?" means something very different in Alaska than it does in DC.
Diner Waitress Christine:...or you all should hike to Thunderbird Falls. It's only a half-mile hike and beautiful.
Us: Ooh, that sounds great. Maybe tomorrow, even!
Diner Waitress Christine: My boyfriend and I always make sure to bring protection, though. Do you all carry protection?
Us: Silence (Oh, god, is she asking us about condoms? Why would she talk about condoms? this is weird, this is weird, this is weird.)
Diner Waitress Christine: Yeah, the bears can be really aggressive this time of year, so it's just smart to have a firearm. Do you have a gun?
Us: Ohhhhh. Right. Yeah, we've decided we're just going to the movies instead.

e) In some places of the world, acid-washed jeans and spiral perms never went out of style.

f) People in Alaska like to wear clothes about living in Alaska. Picture walking down the street in DC and seeing non-tourists wearing FBI hats or Washington DC t-shirts - it would never happen. But here, Alaskans enjoy wearing sweatshirts that say "Alaska" on them. A lot.

g) There's no system for figuring out when television shows are on. Some shows, usually live news, are on four hours earlier than in DC. For example, Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann are on at 4 in the afternoon. Some shows are on during Central Time, or an hour earlier than on the East Coast. For example, The Daily Show is on at 10PM, not 11PM. Some shows are on exactly when they're on in DC, like Saturday night live, which has to run a disclosure at the beginning warning it's not live anymore or "The Office," which is still on at 8PM. Unless you're watching it on an HD channel, in which case it's on at the same time as when it airs on the East Coast, which is why the new "Mad Men" episodes are on at 5PM, 9PM or 10PM, depending what channel you watch

It's very confusing.

h) People in Alaska also enjoy drinking liquids. Every other shop is either a bar, a liquor store or a coffee shop. There also must be special zoning laws about owning coffee huts - tiny little coffee wagons the size of an ice-cream truck or hot-dog vendor cart. There are 2-5 carts per block, many of which are drive through, which is funny because most of the cars that drive up are larger than the hut itself. Oh, and there are a lot of drunk people wherever you go. It's like a really cold, non-festive mardi gras, especially at Wal-Mart.